For this past month I have been what is starting to be coined as a "musicianary" or a music missionary. I tend to get turned off when people feel the need to name a new movement or fad. Labels and terms will always be created for "new" things or "movements". It's our nature to put a name on it, package it, and present it in the most palitable way possible. And when it comes to the American Church, this is definitely the best term to be used. Part of me has no problem with our human need to name this "movement" of musicians-who-are-missionaries. People need to be led, we need something to follow, something to hold onto as we navigate the journey of life. But on the other hand, it completely drives me crazy! I see over and over again history repeating itself in that we create a fad of following Christ instead of just following Christ. It leads us to believe that a big tent revival, a sunday morning service, a church concert, a missions trip, are the things that really serve Christ - that truly matter. So where does this leave the millions of others that live normal everyday lives? People who work in an office, work in the factory, have an acting career, a music career, are housewives, Lawyers, Doctors, Dentists. Does this leave them exempt from living a life that glorifies God because they are not an official "ministry"?

I wrestled with these questions for months before I left, as the american church deemed me a "missionary"(which i do realize i actually am this summer). I had issues with not wanting to be viewed as a missionary because I have felt that my music is becoming my career.  I felt awkward and looked down on because of this pursuit. As a follower of Christ and a musician I feel that I'm expected to fall into one of these categories: A) Sing worship songs and hopefully have a heart to lead the local church in worship or B) sing "christian music" and entertain christians in the local church. I Have no issue with either of these things. In fact I have done both. The issue is that  my heart isnt in those things. It's not where my passion is and most of all is not where God has me.  I didnt want to tell the church I needed support as a missionary when I am pursuing a music career. I felt like telling the church I was a missionary would be lying to them and I'm not ok with that. My whole philosophy for some time now has been living a life that glorifies Christ without having to have a "ministry". Why do I have to be a pastor, or a worship leader, or a missionary for me to serve God?  If I had become a plumber, or a dentist would I be expected to live less like a follower of Christ? Would I be held to a lesser standard? Would I be expected to call myself a "dental missionary" so that everyone could know what I stood for? It just seems silly doesnt it? He's a dentist. We need dentists. Whether he is a follower of Christ or not I'm still going to go see him when my teeth hurt.  As a matter of fact isnt it in the daily ins and out of life that really make the difference in people lives? The way people see us at our jobs? While we drive?  How we treat our family? How we treat our waitress? If im obedient. If I truly follow Christ. This is where it will show. This is where others will see it - in the real, dirty, messy parts of life.

I've been doing a lot of refocusing and thinking as of late. Thinking about what makes the priorities in my life well... a priority. For too many years of my life (going on 30 now!) I have only focused on what the future was going to hold for me. Stuff like: I'll be content when I have this much money, or for a long time it was once the band has a recording contract then everything will be right in my life. I never focused on now, and the time I was actually living in, or the friends, family, and fans that really matter. And then no matter how much I prayed, or schemed, or worried about the future nothing happened, because I was doing just that... nothing. I had based my priorities so far into the future that I was in the present totally standing still. Therefore there was no way those priorities could ever become reality. I was living in a dreamworld... waiting on never.

I was on my way to Tampa a few days ago and decided to listen to all the cds from my Micheal Jackson Box set. (all but thriller which is MIA...Arg) My own little MJ memorial party. and came to the realization that there is a MJ song that I was not as familiar with. The song Dirty Diana, and I must say it is probably one of my top favorites right now! The cool beat and the guitar, and how hard he gets vocally... man so good!

Becoming a musician has been a part of my life I've fought so hard to get around. I would tell myself that I am a singer, and a lyricist, and songwriter, but didn't think I needed to be a musician. HA was I soooo wrong!! I finally woke up and realized I had all these songs and good ideas, but no matter how hard I whistled, or hummed my thoughts to a musician it never was quite what I was hearing in my head.

I am happy to say now I have joined the club of musician at least at the novice level and steadily climbing! Playing guitar, and singing for worship on Sunday mornings at Church on the Way. Writing songs on both the guitar and piano all the time now. It has been so great now that the band is together to hear a song that has been stuck in my head so long come to life... I cant wait till everyone else can enjoy them as well!